What is Social Anxiety

Written by Montana Squires

Edited by Hannah Poe Klaassen, M.S., LPC, NCC, RYT-200

The #1 fear in the world is not death or injury but public speaking. More people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. Being judged and judging others is part of the human experience, but what happens when that fear of being judged becomes uncontrollable? What does that even look like? In children, social anxiety appears in ways that are different than expected. For a kiddo, a bit of shyness is typical. Tantrums, crying meltdowns, feeling forced into the center of attention, and being embarrassed are all signs of social anxiety.

For a teen or adult example, let’s tell the story of Pat. When going to a party, Pat starts feeling panic. The idea of going to a new place with new people gets their heart racing and they begin to sweat. “What if I am disliked, or make a fool of myself in front of a group of strangers?” Pat’s brain echoes over and over. “Don’t stand out!” Pat’s nerves cry out as their muscles grow tight as ropes, seemingly holding them in place. To Pat, the idea of socializing is paralyzing and does not come easy to them… it never has. A lot of these feelings and experiences might be familiar. How do you know when you have social anxiety symptoms? It’s when your feelings of worry and fears of judgment become so draining you cannot function in your day-to-day life. 

So, we know what some of the physical symptoms of social anxiety look like (rapid heartbeat, sweating, muscle tension). We also know the emotional aspect of social anxiety (worry, fear of being judged, fear of being embarrassed). But what do we do about it?! Anxiety is an important emotion that tells us we have to protect ourselves from danger. When treating social anxiety, the goal becomes using our coping tools and new patterns of thinking to help bring your anxiety down to a manageable level.

Let’s rewind back to the example of the party we talked about earlier. Pat wanted to avoid being disliked or embarrassing themselves. Blending in was the way that they decided to cope with this overwhelming anxiety. These fears are valid, understandable, and realistic. But why are they so impactful for Pat? The solution to their problem was making themselves invisible to avoid social anxiety. This doesn’t give them the opportunity to challenge and rewrite those fears. Working with a therapist is an opportunity to change how you understand your anxiety. You can address your core fears of being disliked and embarrassed in therapy instead of continuing to do what isn’t working for you. Challenging those beliefs is hard work. But it's possible to change how you believe and interpret your feelings, even when it feels messy to do so. Working in a safe, comfortable relationship with a therapist is a great opportunity to collaborate on these skills in real time and bring them to everyday life. 

If you or someone you love is struggling with Social Anxiety, please click here to book a free 15 minute consultation with myself or our other amazing therapists. Or if you need help choosing a counselor in Denton, TX please see our blog on finding a therapist to support you in your process.